just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
