She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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