We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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