Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
