we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
