this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
