you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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