Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
