You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
