do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
