Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
