True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
