I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
