How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
