I need help removing her.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
