she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
