Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
