two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
