Please, let me fuck your mom
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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