I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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