dude i'm inner monologue high
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
