first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
