Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
