My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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