sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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