The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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