i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
