hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
