May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
