i was born a porn star she said
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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