In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
