the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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