Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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