gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
