HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we're making bets on your personal life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
