Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
