She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
