I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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