where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
