i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
