now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize