I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
