His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
