What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
