sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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