weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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