Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
