Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
