upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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