so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
