Sponge bath it is.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
