i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
