On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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