when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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