yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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