I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
