omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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