We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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