girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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