She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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