yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
