so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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