Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
did i just pee glitter
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize