Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
