The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
