I think I died a long time ago.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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