I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
